Lies, Scandal, and Matrimony

I got married yesterday.

It was the perfect day and it was going to be the perfect night – it was Pirate Night after all.  I had a ring and everything.  Sure, the ring was made of green ribbon and it kept coming untied and falling off, but that didn’t matter to me.  It was beautiful and special and it was mine.  Our wedding ceremony was simple yet romantic – the high five that we shared as we passed each other in the hallway can only be described as magical.  There were fireworks (or at least there were going to be… later, during the pirate show out on deck 11).  I had always thought I was just another yellow shirt to him, just another counselor with whom he shared the occasional glance.  I remember the sheer joy and trepidation I felt the first time one of the kids told me that Pirate Pete wanted to marry me.  I didn’t believe it at first.  I was ready to dismiss the whole thing to the fantastical whims of the children’s imagination (there was already one marriage that ended quickly in divorce the day before).  But then, all of a sudden, there he was striding toward me, ribbon ring in hand.  And now, I couldn’t believe it, I was the happy wife of Pirate Pete.  We were going to sail the world together.  We were going to plunder and pillage the most beautiful places together.  I was sure that I would never feel more alive than when I had my Pirate Pete by my side.

And then he left me.  After 30 minutes of blissful matrimony, I was informed that Pirate Pete had left me for Poopdeck Sally.  I was inconsolable.  Even the children could not stop my tears.

I never should have married him.  I should’ve listened to the other kids.  They told me that he was too old and that he had weird red hair (never trust a man with weird red hair).  They told me that I should’ve married Lee, one of the counselors, instead.  At least Lee has a respectable career in Float Fun Trivia.  He’s a master of Disney trivia facts and is surrounded by ice cream – real ice cream! Do you know how rare it is to find real ice cream on this ship?  Yes, Lee should’ve been the one for me.  But it’s too late now, I’ve lost my chance and Lee has moved on.

What do I do now?  Perhaps Detective Noah Clue is single…


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